I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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