I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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