well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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