That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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