a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
