If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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