I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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