How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
