..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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