There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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