first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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