and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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