If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
where am i from again
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
