i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
