Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
