I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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