I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
