I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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