You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
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I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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