Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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