In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
