So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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