Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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