My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(