it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
