Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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