I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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