I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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