I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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