If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love having hate sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
