I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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