Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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