I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
