Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just high enough for therapy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
