Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
