i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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