Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
