We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
