Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
