hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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