I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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