Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
