I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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