Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
