EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My breasts were aching with rage.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
