Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
