he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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