he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
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Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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