Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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