Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
