I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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