She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
