I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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