If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
