Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My vagina is officially offended.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
