I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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