man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
