his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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