i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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