literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Alive.
So much puke
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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